Links

by Blodwyn Smythe, Futurama Reporter

SEDONA: "I'm here to announce former U.S. President, William Jefferson Clinton's intentions to run for Mayor of Sedona in 2006." Sir William Randolph, World Famous Publisher of the Sedona Excentric, spoke those words to a crowd of Democrats Of Red Rocks (DORR) gathered for breakfast and a meeting at Les-San-Dans above the Quality Inn, Kings Ransom off Highway 179. Sir William is scheduled to repeat the same words to the Sedona Rotary Club, at an upcoming Good Morning Sedona gathering, the Sedona Car Club, Keep Sedona Beautiful and others.
"He means to appeal to each and every Sedonan, democrat, republican, independent and even the politically agnostic. Unlike former Senator Bob Dole, Mr. Clinton is not expected to end his political career with an endorsement for a drug aiding men with ED. Instead, he has courageously been working with former President George H. Bush, W's daddy, to raise money for relief efforts for the tsunami victims and, more recently, the Katrina hurricane and flood victims," he continued.
"There are many issues facing the good citizens of Sedona and the bad ones, also. Not the least of which is what is being called 'affordable housing.' President Clinton, a master wordsmith and Rhodes scholar, realizes affordable housing will never exist since the word 'affordable' means something different to everyone. While $5000 per month may be affordable to some, $500 is affordable to others.
"Then there is the issue of supporting the arts. Not only is it mandated in the Sedona Charter, but it is essential to Sedona's survival, fiscally and spiritually. To many of you newcomers, this once bucolic bedroom town may seem like a sleepy village compared to the chaos you left behind. Whereas many long-time residents see us as chaos bound. This was once an artist colony, full of creative, talented, free-thinking people immersed in a pool of retirees, service and retail workers and a New Age fringe. Everyone respected each other's contribution to the community and supported each other's efforts.
"The times they are a changing. Many old-timers left, replaced by bureaucrats, some stayed and new artists came to experience what Sedona unconditionally offered. We built sewers, city halls, hospitals, firehouses, jails, schools and playgrounds and abandoned Posse Grounds and Cultural Parks, live theater and digital storytelling. While the infrastructure grew at an uncontrollable rate, the visual arts turned to galleries. After all, sales taxes support the infrastructure and pay for all those new city jobs.
"Then there's the Uptown renovation, supported by a city council that approved nearly a quarter of the $2 million project to go toward architectural design. This, after they received unfavorable remarks for approving a study to relocate a traffic signal one block from its current location at a cost to taxpayers of $100,000. Yet, there's not enough money for the library, non-profits, a convention center, improving the Posse Grounds and properly promoting the arts. Priorities seem to be for more and faster roads, new police cars and a tooth fairy list of 127 projects no one will ever find the time to properly complete, given the attention required."
A young woman in a cheerleader outfit handed an envelope to Sir William. "Let me read to you this letter I just received from my good friend, Bill Clinton. 'My Dear Sir William. It is with a heavy heart that I must decline your invitation to run for Mayor of your beautiful city. You know I would do anything for you, after all you are in my Mile High Club, that elite group of people who scraped up $100,000 for my last campaign. And I appreciate that you already had my slogan A Flashlight On Every Key Chain printed on thousands of t-shirts, pins and hats. Imagine my surprise to find there are no outdoor lights in Sedona. It sort of explains why so many there feel like they're being kept in the dark. I feel their pain. I sent an exploratory team there to scope out the housing situation. While we could accomplish a great many things, reopening the Cultural Park, supporting the arts, finding land for subsidized housing and funding a civic center with room for live theater without losing too many of the regulatory agencies, there was no place for my Secret Service detail to live nearby. I can't have my guards living in Rimrock while I kick back in beautiful Sedona. I hope you find someone that loves that place as much as you. Remember, amigo, mi casa es su casa. Adios, Wild Bill'."
A teary-eyed Sir William waved as he exited the restaurant.