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by Blodwyn Smythe, Nuptials Reporter

SEDONA: With June, the most popular wedding month, just a few holidays away, brides, their mothers and wedding planners are looking past Valentine?s Day, St. Patrick?s Day, even Mardi Gras, to the biggest day in any daughter?s life ? her wedding day.
So it came as no surprise that Sedona wedding planners and resort and catering managers were scrambling at the announcement of the impending wedding between Oprah Winfrey and David Letterman. Winfrey, clearly one of the most powerful women on earth, is said to own a one-month Sedona vacation rental, while Letterman, late-night talk show host, supposedly recently purchased a manufactured home in the Harmony Hills area scheduled for demolition and new construction. Either way, it appears as though the couple will reside, at least temporarily, in the city voted the most beautiful place in America by USA Weekend.
Weddings in Sedona have become quite popular in recent years. This once sleepy bedroom hamlet now offers wedding parties more than a dozen b&bs, hundreds of timeshare units, and a plethora of resort, inn, hotel and motel rooms to choose from. June, a usually slow tourism and retail sales month in Sedona, is the perfect time for outdoor weddings on a mesa, off a trail or by the creek. The weather is generally free of precipitation, the temperature usually stays below 100 degrees and the sunsets are beyond description, the crimson rocks aglow with the fiery rays of the setting sun.
Wedding parties and their guests are never at a loss for interesting places to go and things to do while visiting Sedona. Beyond the physical beauty, there are myriad activities to partake in, such as jeep, horseback and balloon tours, wineries, spiritual and metaphysical mysteries unique to Sedona. The vortices, puzzling energy sources, are situated in and around various rock formations that are said to admittedly induce enigmatic feelings and produce vision quests from many visitors and more than just a handful of residents. Disgruntled specters, lost souls and even extraterrestrials have been spotted wandering among the juniper and tumbleweeds, some in plain sight, others hiding behind the fences in Secret Canyon, Boynton Canyon, Seven Canyons and other heavily guarded clandestine military and shadow government installations.
Rumors of new brides disappearing from their rooms have yet to be substantiated. And, taking into account the sun and alcohol consumed at most June weddings, grooms? reports of missing matrimonial companions are often dismissed outright. Much like Jennifer Wilbanks, the highly publicized runaway Georgia bride-to-be, the missing usually turn up later safe and sound, some alleging time lapse, memory loss and alien abduction, some found passed out or hiding in the rooms of the best men or ushers. Last year, police had to be called to a popular Sedona resort during the exchange of vows at a wedding. Arrests were made and complaints were lodged by the participants against the resort and the city, claiming that vortex energy from Sedona caused temporary insanity and precluded their capacity to act rationally. Blood-alcohol test results encouraged both women and their by-standing spouses to drop their complaints.
Not one Sedona concierge could confirm or deny the rumor that Letterman and Winfrey were scheduled to tie the knot here. All weddings scheduled for June in Sedona are being investigated for possible use of phoney names. Celebrities often have to wed in secret to avoid unwanted publicity and to protect their famous and powerful guests. Over this last Thanksgiving weekend, movie stars Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn checked into a Scottsdale resort under assumed names and allegedly made prank phone calls to other guests from their room.
A couple booked under the sir names Smith and Lamb seemed a little suspicious, until it was discovered they were registered at J.C. Penney and their pattern of choice was Canadian Geese.
Illegal NSA wiretaps revealed recently Biff Henderson, a Late Show producer, started the rumor to boost Letterman?s ratings, whose show is in direct competition with the Tonight Show starring Jay Leno. Industry analysts say a marriage between the two would damage Winfrey?s reputation far more than benefit Letterman?s.
Conspiracy theorists insist there is to be a marriage and are convinced the famous pair just relocated the wedding after learning of the city?s sound ordinance and the strict 9pm bedtime, lights out rule.

Above is a picture of David Letterman. While the photo is clearly dated, a recent flattering picture could not be found.