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by Blodwyn Smythe, Mug Shots Show Reporter SEDONA: Once again, some Hollywood mogul has focused attention on the fairest city of the Verde Valley, Sedona, Arizona. One television producer has sent a cadre of underlings to scope out the area and interview its colorful collection of potential candidates to be used to pitch a new show to executives. ?The Mug Shots Show? would allow for willing candidates to experience the entire process of arrest with their favorite celebrity.
According to World Famous Publisher of the Sedona Excentric, Sir William Randolph, the time could not be better for Sedona to receive national attention. ?Sedona is at a critical point of development. She has to decide whether or not to surrender to her emotions and endure the consequences of a permanently tarnished reputation or ignore the pressures from her peers and misguided, self-serving influences and march to her own beat.
?We have people, especially newly arrived residents, clamoring for a greater infrastructure and more amenities, while long-time residents desire improvements to current programs and facilities. People want a completed sewer system, more roads, safer intersections, easier access to schools and hospitals, live theater, arts programs, cultural events, youth facilities, parks and playgrounds, a civic center, a thriving chamber of commerce and more, all while preserving open space and dark skies.
?That,? Sir William continued, ?along with the police, fire, recyclers, humane society, library and other necessities to at least give the appearance of a civilized community. And we haven?t even talked about affordable housing.
?What is needed here is a way to raise the funds to perform our civic duties without saddling the entire burden on the construction, hotel, retail and restaurant industries. It seems there will never be a property tax or a grocery tax, and the only licensing is proposed on guess who - more businesses. Some say we just need tourists with more money. I say we just need tourists to spend money. It?s still a matter of supply and demand.?
Sir William went on to explain his investment in the newly proposed reality series, ?The Mug Shot Show.? While all the details have yet to be worked out, Sir William met with the show?s producer?s cadre of underlings to set the stage. A special prison will be built on the other side of the Chapel of the Holy Cross in the Mystic Hills area. Because it will be privately funded, there is expected to be little interference from the city council or planning and zoning commissioners. Upon completion, the prison will be called the Sedona Celebrity Situation Citadel.
According to Sir William, ?The name reflects the ambience of Sedona while protecting the privacy of the celebrity. People get arrested all the time for shoplifting, drunk driving, domestic violence, solicitation and possession. You don?t see their faces plastered all over the news. We?re not saying the offenders shouldn?t be punished, we just want to find a way to benefit from their crime without violating their civil rights.
?Since their mug shots are going to be plastered all over the news in print and on television, why not bring them all here for rehabilitation, and since they are already providing a photo opportunity, why not let locals compete for the chance to have their picture taken with the fallen famous.
?Contestants would be required to compete in Sedona events, like golfing, taking hikes, shopping and whining about spending 10 minutes in traffic. The winners would then have their picture taken with the newly arrested celebrity and experience the process of incarceration, from fingerprinting to court appearance, from sentencing to community service to public humiliation. Curious residents and visitors would gather to see locals litter lifting or walking humane society dogs alongside actors, musicians and politicians (there aren?t very many community service sentences in Sedona.)
?Sedona would receive residuals for years to come from the airing of the television show. We never expect it to need to go into syndication, as more and more famous people, especially politicians, are expected to pass through here on their way to becoming a more productive member of society.
?Money from the show and the supporting cast of paying onlookers would be earmarked to support the aforementioned needed amenities and to promote Sedona?s attempt to bring in ?more quality tourists,? though I?m not sure if that means more tourists with quality or tourists with more quality.?

Above is a picture of Nick Nolte, posing for his mug shot after being brought in on suspicion of driving under the influence.