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by Blodwyn Smythe, Government Leaky Reporter

SEDONA: Rumors buzzed this once sleepy bedroom community when leaks from high sources inside the capital beltway revealed that the CIA was setting up camp in Sedona. Many rushed to put their flags in their rusty front porch pole holders, while others climbed inside their aluminum pyramids protected by vortex dust; and still others began compiling information on their neighbors, just in case. While fingers pointed at the two most controversial residential construction sites in and around the Sedona area, angry fire-threatened home owners secretly hoped the government had sent their international spy agency representatives here to uncover, capture and punish the Brins Fire starter. Of course, most people just walked in fear and confusion, wondering if one of their friends or relatives had caused them to be added to the list of targets for government phone tapping and bank records viewing.
Hints that there were visual radicals in the area led many locals to drive by a residential castle near the Chapel of the Holy Cross off Highway 179. The Chapel is one of Sedona?s earliest landmarks, the brainchild of Marguerite Staude, sculptress and philanthropist who said, ?Our monument would become a chapel dedicated to finding God through art.? More and more locals and visitors feel a residential megalith nearby detracts from the Chapel's beauty and spirituality.
The hints, however, were vague, obtuse, abstract and left one wondering who precisely was the cause of what some claim to be Sedona's biggest eyesore. Could it be the architect, the owner, the builder, the planning and zoning officials or was it a conspiring combination of gross tastelessness and blatant disregard for visual decency?
Also in the running as rumored suspects were the people behind the Easter egg buildings in the Village of Oak Creek. The colorful, Conehead shaped structures leap out from behind a few juniper along SR179 just as Bell Rock comes into full view to the unsuspecting visitor to red rock country. Although the shape of the buildings alone was enough to draw attention to the visually impaired, they were then painted pastel pink, blue, green and purple. Sedonans historically don't take kindly to residents or business owners who stray from the basic colors of nature when it comes to architectural design. Case in point is the world's first and only teal arches at the McDonald's restaurant along Highway 89A.
Alarmed by all the rumors and insinuations, Sir William Randolph, World Famous Publisher of the Sedona Excentric, launched his own investigation into this matter.
"Alarmed by all the rumors and insinuations, I have launched my own investigation into this matter," he told a crowd of reporters gathered at Troia?s Pizza Pasta Amore. Normally closed for lunch, Sam Troia, proprietor and good friend of Sir William's, opened his doors to the curious and the press to hear the CIA explanation. "After a couple of days in Washington visiting with some of my contacts within the organization at Langley and inside the Pentagon, I was unable to get a definitive answer as to who might be the target of an agency investigation," Sir William continued.
"No one seemed to have any information regarding visual radicals in Sedona," he declared, reaching for a pitcher of Bombay gin martinis. "Fear of congressional persecution or prosecution have my contacts tight-lipped and denying any involvement in Sedona or Village of Oak Creek. After a couple of days of elbow bending and rubbing with some of the most powerful people in the world, I concluded that there are a bunch of paranoid people in this country and far too many people not minding their own business. Like the song says, 'If you mind your own business then you won't be minding mine.'
"Further investigation and a great bottle of Chianti led me to pay a visit to some friends in New York. It was there," he exclaimed taking a sip of martini through an impish grin," that I uncovered the truth behind the CIA story." Sir William was then joined by Sam Troia and chefs from Steak & Sticks, Joey Bistro, Storytellers, Tamale Mama's, Olde Sedona Bar & Grill, The Asylum, Judi's, Javelina Cantina and El Portal.
"These people are being looked at by the CIA - the Culinary Institute of America," he shouted. "The CIA is considering a rendition of its California campus and is looking at Sedona as a possible location and seeking the help of these fine chefs. Now don't the rest of you feel just a little bit silly?" He gestured to the crowd and ascended into his waiting limousine.

Above is the "Castle" being built in Sedona across the street from the Chapel of the Holy Cross. Can you say Long Island?