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by Blodwyn Smythe,
Sedona Excentric Reporter

SEDONA: A woman (we think) with a baritone voice called our editorial staff recently claiming to be carrying Borat's love child. Borat is a character in a movie by the same name. While attempts were made to convince the Cornville resident that Borat was a cinema persona, she stood steadfast that he was indeed the man who impregnated her.
The caller gave her name as Dorinda Darcilla Bagguns. While we found no one under that name listed in the phonebook, we believe DD, as she insisted being called, is indeed her name.
With her consent, and signing of a waiver, we are printing the recorded interview. To protect the integrity of the reporter, the acronym SER is used to represent Sedona Excentric Reporter.
SER: How and when did you first meet Borat?
DD: He was at a rodeo in Virginia singing his country's national anthem. He sang it to the tune of the Star-Bangled Banner. His voice was mesmerizing. I just knew right there and then that he would be the father my child. SER: What were you doing in Virginia?
DD: I was following the country's best rodeo clown. I thought I was in love with him and thought he would give me a baby. But once I heard Borat sing I dumped Scooter, for my heart belonged to another man.
SER: How did Scooter take the news that you were no longer in love with him? DD: Oh, he never knew. We never consummated the relationship. I had seen him at a little rodeo demonstration in Page Springs last year and then just started following him around. I tried to find him to tell him after a rodeo in Oklahoma, but I couldn't recognize him out of the barrel and without the face painting. It's just as well. It turns out that he switched to the Rainbow Rodeo circuit a few weeks ago. That really would have been hard to explain to our child.
SER: What makes you certain that you are carrying Borat's child?
DD: I had a sonogram and the baby already had a mustache and hair on it's back. Who else's could it be? Besides, I can't recall being with another man after mine and Borat's cross-country pickup truck close encounters of the happy kind.
SER: What about a DNA test?
DD: Oh, I'd volunteer to take one.
SER: Have you contacted Sasha Baron Cohen, um, I mean Borat, about the impending birth and his possibility of being the father?
DD: I called a Kazakhstan phone information official, but she said no one by that name was there. I also feel she was quite rude. She ranted and raved in some foreign accent. I told her to calm herself down or I would turn her in to the KGB or something. I won't put up with that kind of insolence. I'm an American.
SER: What's your baby's name?
DD: Silverado, after one of them truck beds we borrowed.
SER: If you were with Borat on many occasions during the filming of his movie, why is it you are not in any of the scenes?
DD: Well, all we ever did was make love. That wasn't what the movie was about. Besides, how do you know I'm not in the movie. I could have been an extra or something in the Tucson bar scene.
SER: The Tucson bar scene wasn't in the movie. Have you even seen the movie? DD: Not yet. It just came out on DVD and I'm trying to convince my parents, who I live with, to rent it. SER: Why was it so important that you have a child fathered by Borat? Couldn't some other celebrity have done the deed as well?
DD: Once I heard Borat sing, I knew he was Sedona kind of special. You know, a guru or something. In Sedona they have guys who communicate with beings from other planets and travel in spacecraft and have faithful followers and get people to donate them land. That's who I believe my son is going to be - the newest Sedona guru, only in Cornville.
SER: So, Silverado Bagguns is going to be a Cornville sage. How will people learn about his abilities?
DD: Oh, he won't use his last name. He'll be known as Silverado of Cornville. Maybe he'll be called Prince Maalox by people who will flock from around the globe and give him pretty things after they see his biography on MySpace.
SER: What powers will he have?
DD: He ain't gonna fly, silly. He'll have the power of persuasion and will be able to run a Cultural Park and build a multi-purpose center and see that the arts and non-profits are funded in Cornville. He'll make Cornville a true tourist Mecca.
That's how our interview ended. At print time Mr. Cohen had yet to be contacted to confirm or deny Ms. Bagguns' claim.

Sacha Baron Cohen poses with a wallaby at the premier of Borat in Sydney, Australia, wearing a traditional bush hat.