Excentric
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| Doug (Rabbit) Sutherland,
Minister of Reality COLD TURNIP
This pet food scare has got me down—
There’s nothing I can do.
I’ve given up my Carrot Crunch,
And, Bunny Banquet, too!
I suffered with the spinach scare,
When greens all went away;
I stopped ingesting lettuce leaves,
“Cold Turnip,” as they say!
Next came those scary scallions with
Fresh chives all laced with death;
And, not a Lagomorph I met
Had onions on her breath!
The iffy-Jiffy thing was next—
No Skippy for us hares!
And, peanut-deprivation seemed
The final word in scares!
But, things just went from bad to worse—
Now, pet food’s disappeared!
My Rabbit Chow is off the shelves!
I’m done! I’m beat! Droop-eared!
KOZMIK KORNER
BY LUSH GUMBALLQ: In the ancient language of Cornwall, the name MORGAWR, meaning ‘Sea Giant’, describes an enormous marine monster which lives in the waters of Falmouth Bay. A long-necked sea-serpent, similar in appearance to the famous ‘Nessie’ of Loch Ness. Cornwall is known as the ‘Land of Legend’ and, until fairly recently, the Great Cornish Sea-Serpent was regarded as part of that legend; a romantic rumor, a mythological beast, a figment of the Celtic imagination, along with piskies, mermaids and spriggans. Are you aware of recent sightings of this serpent?
A: Sorry, no. Not since March 1976 has there been a report of someone spotting oddities in Falmouth Bay. Of course, UFOs unloading piskies were also seen around the same time. I guess the mermaids and spriggins split.
Q: I was looking out a bus window at the Michelin tire factory when I got a strange feeling. Right then there was a blip in reality and the bus was suddenly about a mile back on the highway. I then had the experience of watching the bus drive by the tire factory again! This scared me. I approached the bus driver when we stopped and told him what I thought happened. He looked really nervous and he said something like, "Things like that happen." Could this have been some kind of bizarre slip in time?
A: It could be. I had to do a double take when I saw that puffy, white Michelin Man driving a car down the highway.
Q: I am considering hiring a psychic to cast a spell to retrieve a lost lover to bring them back to me. Is $69.95 a fair price?
A: It depends on where they're found.
Q: Pendulums are a form of Dowsing. Many people prefer to use a piece of jewelry. Pendulums can be made of most anything. You can suspend a small weight from a string. I like to use a crystal at the end of a chain. The next step is to determine the direction for your YES or NO answers. Still the pendulum Say to it, “Show me YES.” It will soon swing in one direction.... could be side to side, back and forth, or circles. Say, “Show me NO.” It should swing in the opposite direction. Ask your questions. Eventually you will hear the answers in your mind. Have you ever seen one demonstrated?
A: Yes. When I was a child, my father used a plumb bob.
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