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by Blodwyn Smythe,
Giddy Yuppie Reporter

SEDONA: "Would someone here please tell me what the big deal is," shouted Sir William Randolph, World Famous Publisher of the Sedona Excentric. He was addressing reporters gathered at a hastily called press conference in front of the fountain at the Los Abrigados Resort and Spa.
"I am holding this hastily called press conference to beg of you - tell me who in this town is at odds with off-track betting," he continued. "Come forward and let yourself be heard. But before you do, let me remind you of a few facts. "Years ago, those of us who enjoyed watching the ponies run and placing a little wager, used to saunter down to the White Horse bar and restaurant in Bridgeport and enjoy the running of the equine."
"But Sir, aren't you worried that those with a gambling problem in Sedona might stand a chance of losing all they've worked for temporary pleasures of the ego," asked some guy who was obviously not a dedicated follower of southwest fashion, clad in black suit and white shirt with thin black tie, waving a large, black book as he spoke.
"Oh, I don't think that's an issue, son," responded Sir William. "I think horse racing is a time honored tradition dating back to Roman chariot racing and even mythology. Haven't any of you seen Ben Hur or Hidalgo or A Day at the Races? In the United States alone there is thoroughbred racing, on grass and dirt, quarter horse racing and harness racing. In some form, this sport takes place all over the world and people the world over are placing wagers of some sort."
"Just because others are doing it doesn't mean Sedona has to follow suit," loudly lambasted an elderly woman from the back of the crowd.
"You couldn't be more right," Sir William replied. "I remember my mother telling me, 'Just because someone leaps into the Grand Canyon, it doesn't mean you have to.' And probably because of that sound advice, I have never had the slightest desire to hurl myself into the depths of that great crevice.
"But I confess that when she warned me of the evils of Bombay gin martinis, wayward women and the allure of gambling, I wasn't paying as much attention. It's okay, though, because a local reputable psychic told me that in my most recent past-life I was highly involved in the temperance movement, being a member of a group called the Anti-Saloon League."
"While the word 'gambling' may not be mentioned by name in the Bible, it is surely not the work of the Lord," the young man in the black suit shot back. "Well, my good friend, there are many things not mentioned in the Good Book that many people may find objectionable," Sir William offered. But that conversation will have to hold until another hastily called press conference. "I'm a bit confused by some of the objections. Some of you seem to be against animal racing of any kind. Some of you appear to be against gambling in general. While still others of you claim off-track betting will lead to something more sinister - exactly what, you're not sure, just something more sinister."
"If people want to gamble they can go out to Cliff Castle Casino. It doesn't belong in Sedona," blurted what appeared to be a representative from a competitive resort lacking an area for off-track betting.
"Cliff Castle is perfect for Vegas style gambling," Sir William exclaimed. "Off-track betting is quite different and appeals to a different crowd. I would like to address your other objections. As far as the racing of trained animals possibly being considered inhumane, it would appear that horses, by their own shape, were meant to be ridden. Now you don't seem to object to humans training for the Olympics or marathons. Well, I say if racing is good enough for humans, than it's good enough for those better designed for speed. Mind you, abuse of any kind is unacceptable.
"As for the gambling part, people have been gambling legally in and around Sedona long before it incorporated. Settlers gambled when they came here they could survive and thrive. Citizens gamble their legislators will make rational decisions on their behalf. Good and decent Sedonans have been betting on winning the lottery for years. I even know a few regular Elk's Lodge Bingo players. Heck, it's a gamble to buy an ice cream cone and take a bite before it melts. And even today people come here to gamble that they can open a business that stays open longer than it takes to run through their life savings."
With that, Sir William challenged everyone in the crowd to a potato sack race, betting a pitcher of Bombay gin martinis on the outcome.

Above is one of the viewing sections from the ancient Roman Colosseum where chariot races and other events took place.