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by Blodwyn Smythe,
Politico Schlomitico Reporter

SEDONA: As of this writing, scores of people are running or considering running for the highest office in the nation in 2008. The familiar or expected names are Clinton, McCain, Edwards, Biden, Obama, Giuliani, Kucinich, Romney, Dodd, current New Mexico Governor, Bill Richardson, Kansas Senator, Sam Brownback, California Congressman, Duncan Hunter. And the lesser known Texas Congressman, Ron Paul, former Alaska Senator, Mike Gravel, former Illinois talk show host, John H. Cox, and a Hewlett-Packard employee, Michael Charles Smith intend to capture the title as Leader of the Free World. Yet to announce are Chuck Hagel, Fred Dalton Thompson, Al Gore, Wesley Clark, Newt Gingrich, Al Sharpton, California radio talk show host, Michael Savage, former Virginia Governor, Jim Gilmore and Mike Huckabee. This early into the race, Tom Vilsack has already announced his intentions to run and his decision to quit. There was no room to mention the candidates from the other parties: the Green Party, the Libertarian Party, the Socialist Party, the Constitution Party, the Southern Party, the Reform Party or the Prohibition Party or the Independents.
As if there weren't enough candidates and potential candidates, Sir William Randolph, World Famous Publisher of the Sedona Excentric, gathered a horde of traveling reporters at two hastily called press conferences the other day. First at Javelina Cantina and the second at Casa Bonita restaurant, Sir William announced that he is running for President of the United States. "I am running for President of the United States," he enthusiastically exclaimed, raising a pitcher of margaritas, a departure from his usual Bombay gin martinis.
"Why," shouted a reporter from Sedona's small, other paper.
"You see things the way they are and ask 'why?' I see things the way they are and ask 'why not?'" Sir William quipped.
"Why are you announcing in front of the two Mexican restaurants that advertise in your publication," asked a writer for a magazine that is repeating articles another magazine did years ago.
"I'm looking for the salsa vote," Sir William responded. "Ketchup is no longer the number one condiment in America. So, rather than reach out to people at diners as was done in the past, I choose to follow the salsa. I, too, am a salsa lover."
"Does this mean you will be competing with New Mexico Governor, Bill Richardson, for the Hispanic vote," shouted some dark haired guy who rolled his r.
"I'm competing with everyone for every vote," he replied. "The President of the United States is elected to represent all of its citizens, not just a segment of the population. It would be like pandering to only the rich or the corporations or oil companies. Nobody would respect a president that did that." "What makes you a better choice over the others," queried a reporter fired from another publication trying to get work.
"Look at the current field of candidates. All but a few of them are career politicians. Most of them have never had a regular job or had to buy health insurance or deal with the phone company. And none of them have been to Sedona, except John McCain, who I saw shopping with his wife at Basha's one day. I was going to ask for his autograph, but remembered he was speaking at Jerry Falwell's university and then thought better of it.
"As for the others, ask yourselves what these candidates can bring to this city to improve our way of life. If you sincerely think one of them can solve the Sedona Cultural Park issue, provide a permanent location for our coveted Sedona International Film Festival, see that money gets to our recycle center, library, humane society and arts programs, vote for them."
"But, Sir, aren't you describing local issues that should be tackled by Sedona's council and mayor," followed up the fired reporter.
"Look, sonny, I am running for president of all the people, including Sedonans. If something needs to be done, I'm going to see it gets done. I will use my influence as president, leading by example and encouraging people from communities large and small to do the right thing. From Maine to Florida to California and Washington, I plan to vacation in every state. When I vacation in Sedona, I expect all those socially enriching programs will be in place and well funded."
"What party will you represent," asked some other guy.
"The Leisure Party," he shouted.
With that, Sir William gestured to the crowd, and ascended into his waiting limousine.

Michael Charles Smith plays tuba in community band, enjoys mountain bike riding and would go fishing if he had more time.