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by Blodwyn Smythe,
Yada, Yada, Yada Reporter

SEDONA: People could be seen in the hallways, isles and bathrooms of every building in Sedona, huddling, whispering what had to be dark gossip in one another's ears. Chiropractors were turning away patients complaining of strained necks, hardened from the rapid snapping back and forth, trying to catch a word or two spewing from the gossipers' lips. "Could they be talking about me, or someone I know," each wondered aloud.
Walking on eggshells is an uncommon sight in Sedona. One is more likely to see someone walking on burning alligator juniper embers. If this once sleepy hamlet is lacking in something, it's not opinions or rumors - surprising from an area made up of mostly wealthy Democrats. But the differences run deep. There are the noise abatement proponents versus the lovers of entertainment and Libertarian business owners. Another group wants street lights lining the highways, while opponents want dark skies and access to the stars. Some drivers want straight roads with increased speed limits to get where they are going sooner, but others want meandering avenues slowing motorists to a snail's pace to reduce accidents.
The list goes on and on - from the Cultural Park and arts and crafts shows to bicycle paths and mass transit; from affordable housing to property values; from parking for tourists to non-taxing rentals; from saving the trees to widening the road. There just seems to be no end.
So, who or what is everyone chatting about now? Perhaps it is the realtors caught up in the slumping housing market or the alleged lurid tryst between none other than Sir William Randolph, World Famous Publisher of the Sedona Excentric and an unknown partner of the female persuasion.
To dispel any rumors of some alleged sensationalistic rendezvous, Sir William addressed a vast multitude of reporters gathered in the parking lot of Troia's Pizza, Pasta, Amoré at a hastily called press conference.
"I've summoned you all to this hastily called press conference to dispel any rumors of some alleged sensationalistic rendezvous between myself and an unknown partner of the female persuasion," Sir William began. "Those of you familiar with my publication know how I abhor innuendo, half-truths, lies and rumors. Those of you not familiar with my publication must be from another planet and are excused. Now what do you say we get down to business." "The scandal is not that people are refusing to cooperate with one another just because of money and power," Sir William continued. "Sure, No Parking, No Trespassing and Private Property signs are up because people don't want anyone else invading their space. And complaints of noise and traffic bombard the city from people who think they own the road and the air outside. And while everyone wants to maintain a small town atmosphere, they can't help but clamor for more and more fire protection, police, roads, lights and signs. And people want a Cultural Park with little or no regard for the city's own culture. "The funny thing is they want these amenities and more without a property tax or a food tax or the invasion of tourists - their only source of tax revenue." "Well then, Sir William," piped up some reporter from Sedona's small, other paper, "now that you've told us what the scandal isn't, can you please tell us what the scandal is."
"The scandal might very well be the rumor that I am preparing to announce that Al Gore has decided to run for Mayor of Sedona. After the dust settles from the recent Pulitzer Prize awards, he will call a press conference right here in our tiny hamlet, his and Tipper's favorite vacation spot," declared Sir William nearly spilling his Bombay gin martini, raising his glass to toast the announcement.
"Why is he waiting so long," asked some guy incredulously.
Sir William was quick to answer, "He needs to see who the final candidates will be and he needed to accept his plethora of accolades without the appearance of receiving them because he was a mayoral candidate. He also had to wait until all the votes were counted and verified before accepting his honors."
"There are still those out there who feel he let them down by conceding the thrown to George W. Bush. Does he feel he owes his supporters anything," asked some other guy.
"I just think he feels the environment is right to get into the mayoral race," Sir William replied. "After all, he is more than aware of all the issues concerning most Sedonans.
"I look forward to a cleaner, cooler Sedona. And can't wait to show off my new electric stretch limo."

Above is a picture of republican presidential candidate, Fred Thompson, shown here giving his best Halloween scary face.