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by Blodwyn Smythe, Rope-A-Dope Reporter

SEDONA: After months of deliberations over the land between the Airport Mesa and Oak Creek, with Oak Creek Cliffs Drive, Doodlebug Road and the Poco Diablo Resort to the east, the 27 acres of undeveloped land remains undeveloped and land locked with no access route in or out. Land owners and neighboring property owners have failed to reach an agreement on access to the land. A .75 mile, 24 foot wide, paved access route beginning at Oak Creek Cliffs Drive traveling parallel to SR 179 has been proposed, along with a 450 foot long bridge crossing Oak Creek. The bridge would be 70 feet high on the north end and 40 feet high on the south end.
Enter Sir William Randolph, World Famous Publisher of the Sedona Excentric. Time and time again, in his twenty years in Sedona, he has solved the most serious problems facing the city and its residents. He stood in front of an enormous crowd of reporters and onlookers assembled in the parking lot of Raven's Nest Trading Post at the Airport Road and Hwy. 89A intersection to define his solution for the bridge issue. According to a dedicated spokesperson for Sir William, he was already at Raven's Nest shopping for his wife and some friends for Valentine's Day. While there, he decided to call a press conference.
As the gathered masses quieted, Sir William approached the podium, twiddling rolls of nickels between his long, thin, piano fingers. "I have summoned you here to this press conference to reveal my plans to resolve the Doodlebug bridge issue," Sir William declared.
"As you already know, once again citizens of Sedona have reached an impasse and some have felt forced to reach out to the city council, the forest service and other federal government agencies," he continued. "However, the answers are rarely in the minds of the government, lying only in their power to give to some and take away from others. Who gets or gives what is often slanted by the group with the most resources.
"That's why I have proposed the rope walking bridge in Doodlebug and other currently unaccessible locations throughout Sedona. Regular folk need to be able to look down on Sedona, not just the hoi polloi. How? Rope bridges." "Are the rope bridges safe," asked a reporter from Sedona's small, other paper. "Of course, sonny," snapped Sir William. "Why on earth would I subject decent people to something that may cause them harm?"
"I'm confused, Sir," piped up some local magazine reporter. "If the disagreement is due to the length, height, location and cost of the driving bridge, just how does a walking bride solve the problem?"
"I'm glad you asked that. So far, no one has said anything about about a parking area for the twenty-some homes that may be built in the area," exclaimed Sir William.
"Excuse me, Sir, but no one has proposed the parking area you have alluded to," the pesky reporter from Sedona's small, other paper yelled.
"Being ahead of the curve is how I got to where I am, sonny," Sir William calmly proclaimed. "I will be introducing the idea of the walking bridge to the property owners, their neighbors, the city council, forest service and EPA in the days to come. Once the walking bridge is approved, a portion of land for a parking lot for the new residents of the twenty-some homes can be set aside. The new residents would be able to park their cars and walk the bridge. Once across, they can choose to ride one of the provided golf carts or walk home," he continued.
"Not only does this protect the creek, it provides the new residents with health oriented alternatives and does away with the need for garages. It would also save our environment, as most construction materials would have to come from the area being developed and the others dropped in by helicopter." "This sounds like something from a futuristic novel contrived by the combined thoughts of Edward Abbey, Frank Loyd Wright and Ralph Nader," some reporter chuckled.
"I'm surprised, some reporter," retorted Sir William. "Those influences definitely helped me decide this bridge was the answer. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to finish my shopping before getting my tickets to the 14th Annual Sedona International Film Festival."
"What happens if you run into a roadblock," asked a journalist, obviously new to the area.
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," answered Sir William, gesturing to the crowd, grabbing his goodies and ascending into his waiting limousine.

Above is a picture of one of the many rope bridges around the world. People crossing are always excited to reach the other side.