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July, 2009  The Slightly Sane Satire Of Sedona,  The World & Beyond Since 1989!   Vol 20, Issue 12

Excentric
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BIZARRO SEDONA DISCOVERED

Pictured below is a photo of some of the rocks at Bizarro Sedona on the planet Gliese 581 C, the smallest “exoplanet,” discovered to date. Photographs sent back to NASA from the Hubble Space Telescope clearly reveal a city opposite of Sedona. Notice the structural resemblance of the rock structures, but painted grey instead of red. Not visible to the human eye, but detected by Hubble's vortex energy locator, the seven vortices on Gliese 581 C spiral in the opposite direction, which, in turn, would cause living organisms to behave in manners the exact opposite of their inherent ideology.


by Blodwyn Smythe, Spaced Out Reporter

SEDONA: Scientists discovered a new world using a telescope in La Sille, Chile, April 2007. Not only did astronomers from as far away as Cornville hail the discovery of the new planet Gliese 581 C and its possible life sustaining status as incredible, but it encouraged them to convince some people at NASA to investigate Gliese 581 C (so named because Gliese 581 A and Gliese 581 B were already taken.)
Repairs to the Hubble Space Telescope have paid off. Astronauts replaced the dead batteries and gyroscope devices, enabling NASA to redirect its lense to zoom in on at what many scientists have determined to be a Bizarro Sedona. They even named the newly discovered city Anodes, which, of course, is Sedona spelled backwards. Further investigation revealed a diary scrawled into a mountain left behind by a former Anodes resident with really big hands, revealing a city running culturally counter to the bucolic Sedona.
On Anodes, the residents and their elected officials appear to have been in complete and total agreement over a plethora of issues, like pike lights, a digestible consumables tax, auxiliary routes, reasonable housing, galactic scenic area designation and more.
Street lights ran up and down every road in Anodes. No one was interested in looking up at their stars or other galaxies. Been there, done that. In this city, their future was so bright, they had to wear shades day and night. Visitors found their accommodations appointed with convenient kitchenettes, saving them plenty of klingdens every time they bought tax-free food in Anodes and cooked in their rooms, avoiding the need to eat in restaurants. Of course, the citizens and their leaders realized that no taxes on food and less restaurant tax revenue caused them to reduce their support for non-profit organizations. But that too seemed to be okay with everyone.
Traveling the avenues on Anodes was like taking a Sunday drive with dad on Earth in the sixties. While people in Anodes could reach their destination from myriad routes, everyone chose the same path and waved to each other as they meandered leisurely down the road. No one ever seemed to be in a hurry to get anywhere. After all, there was a boutique on every corner with a chiropractor and plastic surgeon, selling designer perfumes, fashionable shoes and telling fortunes.
After just one meeting between the city officials and the citizens of Anodes, a decision was made to build service housing where people less financially successful could live and play among the more fortunate. In fact, there were crude petroglyphs found showing them together at backyard barbecues. On another mountain, was what appeared to be yet another ledger left behind by an Anodes occupant. It depicted fundraising gatherings. It seems they had discovered they could raise more money at social events by lowering entrance fees and welcoming more participants.
Not much open land remained within the city limits of Anodes. Since tall buildings finally blocked the views of those unsightly grey rocks, a pact was signed declaring Anodes a galactic scenic area destination. Visitors from around the galaxy would come and marvel at the structures lining the streets of this popular tourist destination.
The leaders of Anodes even committed to a mission statement declaring they be know to their galaxy as a community that reflects the beauty and harmony of their buildings, animated by shopping, cultural simplicity and a spirit of self-indulgence. It was obvious to scientific observers that they abandoned those ideals somewhere along the line to improve the quality of life of their residents.
Fortunately for the inhabitants of Sedona, on planet Earth, none of these social maladies could ever happen there. Anodes is light years away and everything the scientists have uncovered happened long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away.
Realizing the lessons offered by the citizens of Anodes just might advance a new breed of politico wannabes to step forward to pledge their honor to help Sedona continue to be a tranquil, quaint and charming bedroom community.
In the end, it was found that no intelligent life form existed on Anodes for any length of time. Perhaps it was thought to be just too mystical or spiritual a place to inhabit, or they were invaded by aliens and it was abandoned, or perhaps they caused their own house of cards to crumble around them and just vanished.

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?Progress isn?t made by early risers. It?s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something."
Robert Heinlein

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