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by Blodwyn Smythe, Weeping Guitar Reporter

SEDONA: Sir William Randolph, World Famous Publisher of the Sedona Excentric stood next to a space heater in the parking lot of Cliff Castle Casino in front of a horde of reporters, adoring fans and lookers on to give his annual predictions for the upcoming year.
"I am here to give you reporters, adoring fans and lookers on my annual predictions for the upcoming year," he heralded.
"Like many cities facing serious deficits and finding themselves forced to make dramatic budget cuts, I predict Sedona officials will continue to play political laser tag during the day and cover their heads with their sheets at night in hopes that when they awake the Recessionary Boogie Man will have vanquished into red rock dust.
"However," he continued, "I predict that it will be the citizens, not the politicos, that pull Sedona up by its bootstraps and set the tone for the future of this once sleepy artists' hamlet. The coalescing of the arts, wineries, the magnificent natural surroundings and the resurgence of the forgotten small-town, western atmosphere will draw myriad visitors to Sedona and Verde Valley."
Sedona, voted by USA WEEKEND's Annual Travel Report as the most beautiful place in America in 2003 earned that distinction because of its crimson sandstone mountains, mystical ambience and awe-inspiring sunsets, but also because of the nearby Native American ruins, the Verde Valley Railroad, the old mining town of Jerome, Old Town Cottonwood and Oak Creek Canyon. There are a plethora of hiking trails for nature lovers and a variety of eateries including vegan and raw. "I further predict Sedona will take a chapter from the book of Palin, The Ice Queen, and try to sell their old police cars on ebay in hopes of buying a couple of Hybrid Hummers," Sir William proceeded.
"With the city facing challenging financial decisions, the mayor and City Council seem to be caught in the virtual crosshairs of an angry citizenry. Threats of recalls and wagging fingers seem to have become sporting events. I predict ticket scalpers will be hanging out in front of council chambers during meetings when the impending street lights issue is on the agenda." Sir William paused to raise his flask to his mustache covered lips, "I also predict that, in order to cover future expenses the city will sell the famous vortices."
"Who in the world would buy something you can't see, hear, taste smell or touch," squeaked the latest new reporter from Sedona's small, other paper. "I have already found a potential buyer, sonny," snapped Sir William. "Deep in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina, not far from the Biltmore, is Black Mountain. This city has scenic trails, local arts, mystics, healers and golf - everything Sedona has to offer except vortices. They even have a Chimney Rock State Park. The addition of vortices will put them on the map the same way it did Sedona so many years ago."
"How in the world do they plan to transfer the vortices from Sedona to Black Mountain," asked a reporter from some grocery checkout rack national magazine. "One has to wonder how they got here in the first place," replied Sir William, raising his flask. "I guess you would have to ask Page Bryant and Dick Sutphen, both of whom declared to have discovered the vortices and written books about them. Curiously, neither one of them lives anywhere near Sedona now. I understand you can buy vortex energy in a can. Perhaps they could move the vortices one can at a time. Wouldn't that be a feat?"
"If the vortices are taken away will that mean that all the psychics, clairvoyants, palm readers, mystics, dowsers and others will lose their powers," asked some guy.
"Not the real ones. Besides, everyone comes here thinking they will be transformed somehow. Actually, I think Sedona is just a catalyst. If you came here a beautiful, spiritual person, you become more beautiful and spiritual. If you came here a jerk, you become jerkier.
"My final prediction for 2009 is that the city will squander the proceeds from the sale of the vortices and have to send an emissary to the nations capital and beg Congress for a vortex bailout. Unfortunately, the sad Sedonan will return home empty handed.
"But all is not lost. The people of Sedona are strong and will steer the leaders in the right direction. They will never leave the future of Sedona to a handful of bureaucrats sitting on their assets."

Above is a picture of one of the famous Sedona vortices taken at night. Note the clockwise swirling motion.