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July, 2010  The Slightly Sane Satire Of Sedona,  The World & Beyond Since 1989!   Vol 21, Issue 12

Excentric
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HUGE RICHES FOUND IN DEWEY
BEYOND THE BLACK HILLS
By Bishop,
Special Excentric Soothsayer

“I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but I still can do something; I will not refuse to do the something I can do.” - Helen Keller

As most everyone knows by now, the Black Hills mountain range features one of the most enthralling views of this land the invading Spanish dubbed, “the northern mystery.” From Mingus mountain, pride of the Black Hills, there are views of the Verde Valley, Sycamore Canyon Wilderness and the towns of Cottonwoood, Jerome and Clarkdale. The Wood Chute Wilderness, north of the summit of 89A, also offers scenic views and hiking trails. History books tell us that Mingus was named after Bill Mingus, a prospector. He passed away in 1912, believing that treasures lay hidden in the Black Hills. It is said that important maps were buried with him which still might lead to secret caves and treasures.
In the years since his passing, area Boosters have found other treasures generated by the film companies, tourists; and more when realtors learned various tricky ways to “flip” houses. However, the greatest treasure has been ignored—until now.
Scooping Rolling Stone again, a special Excentric Task Force, working in broad daylight has discovered a treasure worth $4,545,259.00.
Where is it? And why has it been kept secret?
According to highly-placed Sedona Recycles staffers, it’s no secret. Its name is Gray Wolf and can be visited in Dewey, Arizona, just over the Black Hills. When various political leaders have been advised of the treasure, and its location, and reasons why no one has taken advantage of the Excentric’s amazing report, their eyes glaze over.
“Another bizarre Excentric hit job,” barked a local official. “You scribble away, year after year, about your 20-story office building, the Yacht Harbor up in Oak Creek Canyon, and the sewer system capable of powering a mass transit system. Do you seriously expect any intelligent reader to read this no less believe it? This will cause me to reduce my reading pile, and save my old Excentrics for fuel for my stove.”
Harsh talk from a once loyal reader turned Benedict Arnold. Truth be known, this high official helped to create the treasure. So did we all. Forlornly, had we been smart enough to market that treasure in the past, instead of burying it in the ground, there would be no shortage of funds around here for the arts, for the hungry, the teachers and for non-fossil power. So what is this treasure all about? The bulging Gray Hills landfill where most of what we don’t recycle winds up, up to 80 percent of which is worth many dollars. Setting the stage, every year the Verde Valley sends 61,512.68 tons to be buried at the landfill. Of those tons the following, according to EPA estimates, are recyclable materials:
Paper- 10,457 tons value - $941,130.00
Cardboard- 10,457 tons value - $773,818.00
PET (water bottles) 4,163.45 tons value - $919,959.00
HDPE (N) (milk jugs) 1,136.83 tons value - $329,681.00
HDPE (C) (detergent bottles) 944.90 tons value - $151,184.00
Plastics #3- #7 ( yogurt containers, clamshells, plastic bags etc.) 1,138.83 value - $56,942.00
Clear Glass 1,025 tons value - $15,375.00
Mixed Glass 2,051 tons value - $10,255.00
Steel Cans/steel scrap 3,691 tons value - $239,915.00
Aluminum cans 1,230 tons value - $1,107,000.00
For all the Earth Day chatter on Tweeter and Facebook, and in all the area's smaller, less influential papers and magazines, no more than fifteen percent of Verde Valley residents recycle, vs. 60 percent in Seattle. Truth be known, each of us consumes 120 pounds of resources and throws away 3.5 pounds of trash each day.
Imagine what Sedona and other Verde Valley communities could do with $4.5 million dollars a year? Anyone’s list would be long. However, so long as most of the wood, metal, plastic and minerals are used just once and discarded, it is well to remember that Mother Nature bats last. She doesn’t like to see money thrown away alongside her natural resources.
Beating Rolling Stone to the punch once again (this is becoming boring), this paper’s next project will center on what happens when Gray Wolf landfill fattens to overflowing—and all the others in Arizona do, too.

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It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
Aristotle

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