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by Blodwyn Smythe,
Channel Two Reporter

SEDONA: Tastefully adorned in a violet, hooded robe with journalism yellow piping on the sleeves and hoodie, clasping a crystal tipped wand in one hand a copy of Getting It Right in the other, the barefoot, fifty-something year-old, slender woman addressed the crowd at the gathering of World Fellowship at the Verde Valley Guidance Clinic in Cottonwood, AZ one Sunday.
People had come from as far away as Cornville to hear the mystic channel the famous WFB. Though WFB is a confessed Roman Catholic, World Fellowship, as their name infers, celebrates every faith without prejudice.
"I feel his presence," the medium declared in a voice much like Darth Vader with a fake British accent. "Be seated. Heed my treasured words."
Immediately, the energy and pomposity filling the room convinced the group that it was indeed the spirit of William F. Buckley, Jr. resonating from the caftan garbed diminutive communicator.
"As you know, I am considered the voice of conservatism, a kind of Conservatism Czar. With no one alive to carry that banner, I have decided to come back to continue my station from the beyond."
"What do you think of the street light controversy in Sedona," asked an anxious visitor.
"I recommend a conservative approach, like in Tucson or Seattle. Remember, less is always better."
"What do you think of Rush Limbaugh?" asked some guy.
"All wind, no sails" he replied.
"How about Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and Laura Ingraham?" shouted another. "No sails, no sails, no sails. And don't even get me started on Mr. Bill O'Reily."
"Are you stating that every self proclaimed conservative talk show host in America is out to lunch?" asked the first guy.
"I'm not limiting the lunacy to the conservative entertainers. That is what they are - entertainers. I have found that liberal entertainers are equal reprobates," WFB continued. "The difference is the ability one has to convince an audience to follower your idiocy and dance to your puppet string gestures. The liberals spout equally inane propositions, but they can't organize anyone to act upon them. The proclivities of the lost conservative souls with too much time on their hands is to gather at town hall meetings disrupting the democratic process. There is nothing politically conservative about that."
"Do you think local politicians should be appointed or should special elections be held to fill vacated seats?" shouted a Sedonan.
"Appointed officials lack a constituency. Who do they represent? Elections hold the voters responsible and allow them to blame themselves for the outcome."
"When it comes to education, do you accept the polling that high school drop outs are likely to end up in prison?" asked a teacher.
"There used to be jobs for drop outs. Now they're all taken by our aging population. People are just living too long," WFB declared.
"Should schools permit private funding for logos on busses," asked a guy in a Pepsi shirt.
"Absolutely. It would be better for our challenged kids. Teasing bullies would then maybe say their prey ride the Snapple Bus."
"As a conservative, do you think Sedona should be designated a National Scenic Area?" asked some other self declared conservative.
"Conservatives are for as little government interference in the private lives of individuals as possible. But, in certain cases, like the National Parks, if the government had not purchased precious lands, we may all very well be up to our ears in mill tailings and coal ash."
"Was our last president a real conservative?" asked some liberal.
"Maybe with a small cased 'c.' Mr. Bush did have the remarkable vision to see Boynton Canyon as an underground outpost to continue the human race after Armageddon on December 21, 2012."
A cell phone rang and the spiritualist came out of the trance, bringing the special service to an end. The group exited in a calm, somewhat befuddled, and orderly fashion, making way for the next audience that had arrived to hear the same medium channel the former Beatle, John Lennon.
With all the recent attention on some areas neighboring Sedona, the rumor mill was now cranking out daily blogs that controversial film maker Michael Moore was scouring Sedona's red rocks in search of a fair and balanced report on Vortex Streetlight Czars.

Pictured above is a snapshot of the former Beatle, John Lennon. Lennon, a staunch advocate of Peace. Channels agree the accent of Lennon is easier than Buckley to copy.