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by Blodwyn Smythe,
Under The Covers Reporter

SEDONA: Rumors recently swept through this once sleepy Arizona hamlet that a private, clandestine paramilitary organization was operating behind guarded fences near one of the area's most popular vortex hiking trails. Unmarked black helicopters, unexplained lights in the normally dark skies, combined with a general unrest among locals regarding a plethora of future streetlights and a lack of action to designate Sedona a National Scenic Area, fueled pedestrian prattle that the formation of an ominous confederacy was afoot. For many generations, after the Native Americans had cleared out, Sedona has seemingly embraced nearly every form of religious, mystical and secular example of existence without prejudice. With its crimson commercial allure, Sedona has recently attracted people from other places seeking fortunes, most involving land and building acquisitions and leases.
Many locals with tenure have decided to take a stand, demanding a better plan for road safety than the eyesore of streetlights, and protection of undeveloped land with a National Scenic Area designation. The arguments for and against have become so heated that fists have been raised and threats aired.
Conspiracy theorists, anxious to toss an accelerant onto any political confrontation have ignited the feud with rumors that Blackwater is operating within the confines of once bucolic Sedona.
Enter Sir William Randolph, World Famous Publisher of the Sedona Excentric, who hastily called a press conference to quell any potentially dangerous rumors regarding a surreptitious Sedona putsch. Gathered a short distance from Sedona, in the parking lot of Cliff Castle Casino, an enterprise owned by the Yavapai-Apache Nation, were reporters from as far away as the nation's capital (another nation).
"I have hastily called this press conference to quell any potentially dangerous rumors regarding a surreptitious Sedona putsch," began Sir William. "What in the world is wrong with you people? We just finished celebrating Chanakuh, Christmas, Kwanzaa, the Winter Solstice, New Year's and National Bicarbonate Of Soda Day. Just once, I would like to see people go about their lives as if every day was some type of holiday. It's time to put an end to all the bickering. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. That's what I always say. Well, not always, but a lot." "Could people be gathering minute men to band against the Korean MAGO statue because it exceeds more than county height limits and looks way too much like the Virgin Mary but in need of sunglasses," asked a reporter from Sedona's small, other paper.
"I don't think so,' Sir William offered. "I think older Catholics who visit their facility on Sundays drive by and have to squint to see the lemon haired statue's head and just figure she must be squinting too."
A reporter from some national magazine chimed in, "Are there Green Tea Baggers emerging because road construction is not only responsible for a halt in revenue for Sedona businesses, but may be polluting Oak Creek as well?" Retorted Sir William, "Who could blame them if they did? Businesses should be given stimulus tax breaks for having to survive seemingly endless construction by cutting employees' hours or closing their doors early."
"Is it possible Blackwater thugs are among us," asked some guy.
"I think because people have such creative imaginations, especially in Sedona, that the more outrageous the rumor, the more believable it becomes. I have started a new corporation to look at developing the land currently owned by the city near the Sedona Wastewater Recovery Plant. The company goes by the name of Greywater. We plan to use the effluent to build and maintain a water park, complete with ponds for canoeing, a riparian are for migratory birds and still have some spray to grow hay to sell to ranchers."
"Is the city going to permit the sale of its land for private enterprises," asked some other guy.
"The city has the opportunity to go into business with me to not only develop a wetlands area, but also build a golf range, batting cage, skateboard park and more" quipped Sir William. "The only thing lacking is vision, perhaps blinded by the prospect of city lights."
With that, Sir William gestured to the crowd and ascended into his waiting limousine.

Pictured above is a before and after of Sedona. Current dark skies are threatened by the infusion of a plethora of streetlights. It would be like night and day.