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| That Really Bunches My Panties!
by Brendon MarksVery soon we will be celebrating yet another March 17th, we will again hear the occasional Irish song or melody, and I wonder why. I have nothing against the Irish. I am even descended from Irish immigrants on my mother’s side, yet still I wonder why no other ethnic group enjoys the privilege of having a day set aside to celebrate an accident of birth. I know it’s really St Patrick’s Day, and not Irish Day, but show me one Irishman who doesn’t think it’s his day. And why is it that we hear “Danny Boy” or the forlorn story of why there are no unicorns, on only one day a year, but hear about the “Twelve Days of Christmas” three times a day, every day, from Thanksgiving to Christmas? And why is the same song called “Danny Boy” on March 17th and “Londonderry Air” the other 364 days of the year?
I also wonder about some of the other lesser holidays. Although we don’t celebrate it with the same enthusiasm, my February calendar this year lists Ground Hog Day in the same red bold-faced type as Lincoln’s Birthday, Washington’s Birthday, Chinese New Year, Valentine’s Day, and President’s Day. President’s Day is the only real holiday in the bunch. We know that because government offices and banks are open on all the others. Come to think of it, if you think speaking Chinese is tough, try figuring out when Chinese New Year is next year. It’s just as hard as determining when Easter falls. Chinese New Year has something to do with the cycle of the moon, and Easter is determined by the Pope and a dart board.
Lincoln and Washington’s birthdays used to be real holidays, but they had the audacity to fall on a different day of the week every year instead of a convenient Monday. That fact, combined with the fear that we may have to have a holiday for every president’s birthday, led to the decision to celebrate a Monday between the two birthdays as the official holiday for all president’s birthdays.
I also wonder what’s so special about a ground hog that it would even have a holiday. What other rodent enjoys such acclaim? The Easter bunny doesn’t really count, because it's not Easter Bunny Day. The Easter bunny gets second billing. Wisconsin may have a Badger Day or Kansas a Prairie Dog Day, but they don’t show on my calendar.
Although most have not attained national attention, I’m sure that you would be hard-pressed to find a day of the year that has not been designated as National Something Day. It probably has a lot to do with the political clout of the requesting organization and appeal to the general public. This newspaper usually has a regular feature listing the month’s lesser known holidays.
Given this impressive number of unknown lesser holidays, I was surprised that I was not able to identify a National Nose-picking Day. There probably would be if Hallmark made a card. According to a friend, based on the frequency of observations, February 22 would be the ideal day, if it were not already Washington’s Birthday.
I know that holidays are not selected based entirely upon the wishes of the general population, or we would have Super Bowl Sunday and Dale Earnhardt’s birthday declared national holidays. Of course, Super Bowl Sunday nearly already is, except for the fact that it doesn’t fall on a Monday.
I think Hallmark is really missing out on a good opportunity with the Super Bowl or the baseball world series. They probably would not sell a single card wishing a team success, but they’re vastly underestimating the overwhelming desire to rub it in after a loss. This feeling could endure right up to the start of pre-season games for the next season, and it wouldn’t matter if the cards were in the stores before the game was played. Guys would buy them just to be ready. There could be congratulation or sympathy cards depending upon whether your spouse’s team won or lost.
Or even a card that says, “See, wouldn’t it have been better to go to my mom’s?”
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