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March, 2010  The Slightly Sane Satire Of Sedona,  The World & Beyond Since 1989!   Vol 21, Issue 8

Excentric
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Page Sixteen
Page Seventeen
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KOZMIK KORNER
BY LUSH GUMBALL

Q: I read where a famous psychic medium, Joseph Ross, recently channeled former U.S. President, Richard M.Nixon, who would comment on various aspects of the displays in the Nixon the museum. Near the entrance are cases of artifacts from Nixon's early life, prior to his entering politics--grade school essays, early photographs, love letters to Pat and Naval service documents. Here, according to Ross, the spirit of Nixon told the group that this was the only part of the library that he still enjoyed visiting. Do you believe Richard Nixon is haunting his own library?
A: Someone allegedly caught the ghost of Nixon on tape at the library, but when they played it back, eighteen minutes were missing.

Q: Aa man named Frenchie, who supposedly died in a fall while refurbishing a Woodbridge, California building 30 years ago that for the past 17 years has been a restaurant . Some believe Frenchie's ghost is still there. In a six month period, blender tops disappeared, newspapers caught fire and a faucet turned on, all inexplicably. The owner has invited a paranormal enthusiast to investigate. Can apparitions cause the kind of damage described in real life, or does this just happen in the movie theatre?
A: You can't make this stuff up, especially with a ghost named Frenchie.

Q: I heard where Uri Geller, the famous spoon bender, has revealed how he used his psychic powers to help cops in catching a suspect while walking his dog one morning. Supposedly two drug dealers ran though his yard. The police nabbed one of the suspects, but the other was in hiding. According to Geller, “I followed my instinct to the shed and there he was. The method I used is called dowsing, it’s like a sixth sense.” Is it possible he sensed the villain in his shed?
A: It's possible. Or, maybe his god just sniffed the guy out.

Q: I just learned that the New England Historic Genealogical Society researched Sarah Jessica Parker’s family tree for a new NBC show “Who Do You Think You Are?” and discovered her family line “is connected to the Salem Witch Trials of 1692,” a Society spokesman said. Parker supposedly went to Boston to reveal some information on her connection to Massachusetts. Do you think her ancestors were witches or judges?
A: How would I know? You'll just have to tune in and watch the show. I should be getting some promotional kickbacks for this.

Doug (Rabbit) Sutherland,
Minister of Reality

SALT LICK

I'm quite depressed for Harry 'cuz
The man exudes no joy.
He hasn't smiled in decades and
Eats only curds of soy.

He's married to a woman who's
Imprisoned by a myth.
She's quite convinced a grain of salt
Will end his life, forthwith.

His birthday comes next Tuesday and
I've got the perfect gift!
I'm giving him a salt lick which
Will give the boy a lift!

He'll hide it on his terrace, down
Behind the potted trees.
He'll fake he's dropped his spectacles
And drop down on his knees

And stick his head just out of sight
And slurp it like a deer,
Emerging with his glasses on,
And, grinning, ear to ear!

Page -- 7   Next Page

Art is the lie that makes us realize the truth.
Pablo Picasso

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