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March, 2010  The Slightly Sane Satire Of Sedona,  The World & Beyond Since 1989!   Vol 21, Issue 8

Excentric
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Page Seventeen
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ASTROLOGY FOR THE WEAK!

ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
Mars quincunx Pluto and Saturn squares Pluto, bringing some tension to the areas of your chart of finances. Since Pluto is officially no longer a planet, no biggee.

TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
In March, it may seem the world is moving too quickly for you and you may secretly have to make concessions. You just might bring honor back to fast food.

GEMINI (May 21 -June 20)
By nature, relationships cause new feelings and sometimes present challenges in understanding. This month you'll try to understand why you have no relationship.

CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
Your patience will be tried this month as you deal with a very disagreeable relative. At first you'll refuse to jump though hoops, later, you'll provide the flames.

LEO (July 23 - August 22)
You'll choose your battles carefully and will reach a turning point that is favorable to both sides. You'll run with you tail between your legs, yelping all the way.

VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
You inner child charges you with mental abuse, accusing you of abduction, kidnaping and holding it against its will. Your defense? - adulthood.

LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
March lends itself to the spirit of playfulness and later in the month there could be a reward in the form of love or money. You could use the money to get some love.

SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
A good part of this month, your love emotions will be in flux. The rest of the time they will either be in transition or constantly changing. Make up your mind.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
The Moon in detailed Virgo sometime this month will remind you to keep your paper trail well lit. Not exactly sure what that means, but it sounded interesting.

CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
In March, you will try to present a new and innovative idea and not cling to a way of thinking that is no longer valid. Your idea will be totally rejected, again.

AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
You may lose your bearings somewhat with Pluto wheeling and dealing behind the scenes, but Venus kicks him in the groin later this month setting you straight.

PISCES (February 19 - March 20)
You'll need to ask specific questions in order to get to the bottom of a perplexing situation in your life. Like, why were you wandering the neighborhood naked?

Frankly Fanny . . . by Herself

Dear Frankly:
I've been dating this guy for a few months now. He's a "nice" guy. He treats me well and we have some of the same interests, pursuits, etc. I just don't feel a real strong chemistry. He's attractive, but it's not WOW. I'm hesitant to move very fast, even though he has clearly expressed his interest in our becoming more serious. How do I know if this is the guy? If I'm unsure, am I not just settling? What if I take it to the next level and then Mr. Right comes along?
Baffled Bernice

Dear Baffled:
I thought my fourth husband was Mr. Right. Wrong! You just have to get what you can out of every relationship you encounter. If I hadn't pursued my fourth husband, I would have never met my fifth. Things have a way of working out.

Dear Frankly:
I met a woman who is the polar opposite of me regarding almost every topic, religion, politics, the environment, sports - you name we have nothing in common. But, you know how they say opposites attract? Well, we are definitely physically attracted to each other. Do you think it is possible for opposites to maintain a good, satisfying and healthy relationship for a very long time? Or, as my closest friend suggests, should we keep our distance?
Concerned Chris

Dear Concerned:
I say go for it. Usually, when two people are as intensely converse as you two obviously are sparks fly in the bedroom, and the living room, and the kitchen. At least they did with my third husband. Though the marriage didn't last, he sure did!

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This is not a court of Justice, young man, it is a court of Law.
Oliver Holmes, Jr.

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